Pitch In and Get Some

On March 6, 2008 I read an article on the Huffington Post entitled “Housework Gets You Laid” by David Crary. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/06/housework-gets-you-laid_n_90213.html

In it he writes:

American men still don't pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they're not the slackers they used to be. The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.

If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her _ he's not treating her like a servant," said Coleman, who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. "And if a woman feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the guy's sitting on the couch while she's vacuuming, that's not going to put her in the mood."

Pamela Smock, a University of Michigan sociologist who also works with the council, said a persistent gender gap remains for what she called "invisible" household work _ scheduling children's medical appointments, buying the gifts they take to birthday parties, arranging holiday gatherings, for example.

I’ve been contemplating this whole concept for quite some time now, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there is actually some very real truth to this statement.
I can’t tell you how many times I have commiserated with family and numerous friends around this very subject, specifically about MEN doing housework .
I have heard everything from “ He does the laundry but then it just sits in the basket until it’s so wrinkled you can’t possibly wear it.” Or “ He never washes the dishes or empties the dishwasher, he has never given the kids baths, or changed the sheets…” The list goes on and on…many women feel worn down and resentful about the lack of partnership in these areas. So resentful in fact, that it can’t help but have a big effect on their sex drives.

I must admit, it certainly is a huge drag and yes, a turn off, to arrive home after being out, whether from work, errands, appointments etc. and find that the sink is filled with dirty dishes so you can’t even start to cook dinner; or something smells in the garbage and has now permeated the entire house because it wasn’t taken out; or when you go to fill the dishwasher it’s full but hasn’t been run; or your clothes, that were in the dryer, are now wrinkled to the point of being unrecognizable; or you find out that you’re having guests at the last minute and you have to decide between showering or cleaning up because there’s not enough time for both. These are just a few of the complaints I have heard from (mostly women and gay male friends) about what bothers them about their mates. I feel I can safely say that not having the help one would like to have maintaining a home, does in fact greatly diminish the desire for sex.

And why wouldn’t it? Can you really say that having to clean up after people is a turn on? I mean really…who wants to slide into a bed full of crumbs, or slip into something wrinkled, or have to wash out a glass (if you can get to the faucet over the dirty dishes) every time you go to pour yourself a drink? Who likes to smell something rotting every time you open the fridge or realize you have no dry towels as you’re stepping out of the shower? Last time I checked, none of these things were considered to be aphrodisiacs.

Look, even if you are lucky enough to be able to afford a cleaning person on a regular basis, which most of my friends are not, you still have a great deal of maintenance: as in: daily dishwashing, laundry, garbage removal, making beds, sorting junk mail, recycling…and if you’re one of us that are blessed with children, triple that.

Who has the energy to come home from work, cook, get organized, clean up after everybody and then have a rollicking good time in the hay? I have yet to meet a couple that feel like they are equals in this area.
I knew things were serious when my girlfriend, who was always energetic and sexually vibrant, was teaching me how to give a “lazy man’s” blowjob, she said “It’s really good, just put your head on a pillow at the right height and let him do the work…” I later thought… things must be bad…but mainly because, for a moment, I was actually considering it!
I once lived with a man who said to me, “I don’t clean, I don’t like to clean and I’m not good at it.” Later I thought...who the hell likes to clean and what would happen if I took the same stand? A girlfriend of mine once gave the advice to “just don’t do it and eventually he will be compelled to”. I can tell you this, it eventually came down to these choices: living in squalor or doing it myself, being resentful but having a clean house, I chose the latter. Today we are no longer together.
I’m not sure if this is a coincidence or not, but today I am living with a man who cleans, cooks and shares in all the household chores and sex (for both of us) has never been better!
If you men really want more sex, why not try it, start by asking what you can do to pitch in around the house…things may start to change, you’ll never know unless you try.