Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Less is More

Here is a great article on parenting by Tom Hodgkinson entitled "Idle parenting means happy children" "http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html">">
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html

In it, he writes about how less is really more when it comes to parenting. It includes his brilliant "Manifesto of the Idle Parent", which starts out with the following:

We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
We pledge to leave our children alone
That should mean that they leave us alone, too
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals...




It is taking me years to learn this, but doing less and being more is not just important, it's vital. I know in my heart that there is so much truth to this. I see it all around me, everywhere I go, especially when it comes to kids, less is truly more.
The more involved parents get in their children's leisure time, the more anxious the child and the more harried the parent.


Where did we get this antiquated belief that suffering, martyrdom and self sacrifice is the way to a fulfilled life? No doubt religion has a major stake in propagating this widely held belief. But even for the rest of us, the ones that have moved away from traditional beliefs and rejected any former notion held by our ancestors that the only way to get anywhere is through a sweat and tears approach, it's difficult to shake. It's as if it's still lurking around somewhere in our psyches, and over time breeds resentment and wreaks havoc with our physical and psychological health.
Why is it that most (if not all) of my artist friends, whether it's writers, painters, or musicians seem to live the "starving life"? Is it because deep in our hearts we still believe that creating art and expressing ourselves is too pleasurable to earn us a comfortable living? Or is it bigger than that? Does our society as a whole buy into the suit and tie world of money jugglers and CEOs so much that we continue to reward them financially no matter how adversely they effect our society our economy and our environment? Frankly, I think we are stuck in a quagmire that not only undermines our deep intuitive beliefs but does nothing to enhance the lives of our children.
I could go on about this, but today I will go with the "less is more" approach and just say that doing less seems like a beautiful entree into finding our way back to things that really matter.

Here are some of my favorite lines from Tom Hodgkinson's article:
"Paradoxically, the idle parent is a responsible parent because at the heart of idle parenting is a respect for the child, a trust in another human being."

"...No, there is no room for martyrs in the world of the idle parent. Our happiness comes first. And that is the right way round. As a cab driver said to me the other day: "My kids are happy because we're happy." Do not suffer. Enjoy your life."

I really enjoy reading Tom Hodgkinson's column entitled "Idle Parenting" in the http://www.telegraph.co.uk/, check it out, maybe you will too.

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